


Diving In Shallow Waters

by katiekat784



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 1x06, 1x19, 2x02, Episode Tag, F/F, canon shakeup, lost moments, supersanta2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiekat784/pseuds/katiekat784
Summary: The three times Cat Grant's mind couldn't formulate words...because of a woman named Kara Danvers.Being Supergirl and not Kara had almost made it easier for them to develop this relationship. Because if Cat had been discussing their favorite music and ballets and dreams for the future while ordering takeout with Kara and not Supergirl well. She might've let her mind wander and think that these were dates. But this was Supergirl, she was completely unattainable. Cat had hoped the distinction would make it easier... it didn't.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Cat Grant, Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Comments: 5
Kudos: 95
Collections: Super Santa Femslash 2020





	Diving In Shallow Waters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DiNovia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiNovia/gifts).



> For the Supersanta event. Dinovia's prompt was "an unexpected reunion in the rain leads to confessions of love." It kind of deviates a little as the rain isn't very present but hopefully you enjoy it!

* * *

I – The time Kara snapped at her

For the first time in ages, Cat was speechless. And that was not an easy thing to do to a woman who had a way with words. But if anyone could’ve done it, she should’ve known it would be her. That sunny Danvers charm and bubbly personality was a stark contrast to the slightly disheveled, opinionated woman standing before her. She knew the younger woman had it in her, but she didn’t expect it to come out now of all times. But then her Kara – _no_ – the restrained Kara came back just as quickly. She knew how mortified the younger woman was so she did the only thing she could think of that would help her.

She wanted to think of herself as a mentor for the younger blonde, someone Kara could turn to in a time of need, but she knew that there were reasons Kara chose to confide in other people. She certainly didn’t make it easy for the younger woman to get to know her. Although no matter how many walls she put up, Kara always seemed to push gently, persisting until somehow, she found cracks Cat thought she had filled. And that worried Cat, because she knew that one day, she’d get tired of putting those security measures in place and that’s when it’ll all go to hell. A lot of the time Cat found herself wanting to be in the younger woman’s life, and with a more significant role than just a mentor or friend.

Normally she was able to quiet those desires, put them in a box and lock it away but today…She knew that her own anger was directed at her mother, not Kara and she hoped Kara could see that too. That damn woman knew just the right buttons to push. But how could she tell the great Katherine the truth when she didn’t even want to admit it. Part of the reason she wasn’t seeing anyone was that she was always so busy, running a media empire, being a single mother, it all took a lot of energy. But there was a small part of her that was hoping, longing for a woman almost half her age and it hurt like hell to know that it was an unrequited crush – because she could never let herself think there was another possibility – nothing would ever come of it. So, she secretly observed the other woman, tried to get as close as possible without letting herself drown in this self-pity and heartache. And when after almost two years Kara finally snapped at her, she knew something had to be seriously wrong. She really did want to help her as best as she could, but she was also jealous. Jealous at the fact that after their conversation, Kara would go home to her sister or James or someone that wasn’t her and confide in them. Share what was really bothering her and Cat would never get the chance to truly know Kara. The other voice in her mind was telling her that was a good thing. Honestly, what chance would they ever have together. No, it was better this way but that didn’t stop her heart doing cartwheels when she found herself arms length away from the other woman. The Martinis helped steady her nerves and she hated herself for needed liquid courage for something so simple as being so close to the blonde. But those Martinis and that damn woman had lowered her defenses yet again, and she found herself slipping. Maybe it was because she kept hearing her mother's words telling her she’d always end up alone, or maybe it was the reassuring eyes gazing into hers. But she felt herself giving in to those feelings. For a moment, her guard was truly down, and she let herself just be in the moment, consequences be damned.

* * *

II – The time Kara hugged her

_“You've changed me.”_

She meant it, Supergirl really had helped her. She admired the Superhero. Supergirl gave her strength, power. But that wasn’t it. Supergirl showed her another way. Supergirl had helped her see that while she was still the all mighty Cat Grant, there was a softer, more compassionate side to her that she thought was long forgotten.

_“Thank you, Cat.”_

But when the other woman pulled her in for a hug, whatever words she was going to say died in her throat. Because for the second time in as many months, Cat Grant was speechless. This time, it came with a realization. Well actually, she realized two things. The first was that it had been a really long time since she had hugged someone. Properly hugged someone. The other woman was warm. She radiated security, warmth, and comfort. Her arms wrapped around the alien’s broad shoulders and she felt herself leaning into the touch. It was a welcome surprise, considering how distant the Kryptonian had been since the incident with the Red Kryptonite. But Cat welcomed it. If she was being honest, she really enjoyed the feeling of being wrapped up in Supergirl’s muscular arms. And that cape, well she had always found it very alluring. She stopped herself before she went too far. But that wasn’t the most surprising realization during that hug.

The second thing she realized was something she had suspected all along, and this only furthered her theory. It was Kara. Supergirl was Kara. She knew, she had pegged it from a mile away, but it was that shampoo that gave it away. She knew that shampoo. Vanilla and blossom flower, always vanilla and blossom flower. She had picked up on it during the Livewire fiasco. They were huddled together by the desks and she smelt it. Vanilla and blossom flower. It wasn’t strong, it was just simply there. After the situation was over, she couldn’t help but wonder why out of everything that happened that night, the smell never left her. And day after day she would get a whiff of it and knew it was Kara’s. But it was also Supergirl’s. Kara was _her_ Supergirl.

Supergirl was her assistant, her tacky clothed, glasses wearing assistant. She considered herself a mentor to the younger woman, someone Kara could look up to for guidance or solace but there were boundaries. Granted, she put them in place and there have been times where she wanted to break her unspoken rule about boundaries. That and the no hugging rule she had put into place long before Kara showed up. But she didn’t. She came close a few times, especially after the Red Kryptonite incident because she could see how hard Kara was working to prove herself, to try and erase the damage she caused. She wanted so badly to tell her that it was okay, that she was forgiven but she didn’t. She couldn’t. There were boundaries and a million reasons why going down that road wasn’t a good idea. But she didn’t want to think about those in this moment. This was Supergirl, the woman in front of her was Supergirl. And that was who pulled her in for a hug and that made the moment much easier. Supergirl was unattainable, there was no chance of them starting something. Kara was unattainable as well, but it was a different kind of unattainable. She heard the younger woman’s slight intake of breath and wondered how long it’s been since she was hugged. She wasn’t oblivious, she saw Olsen and Winn keeping their distance. She had seen how hard Kara was working to rebuild the relationships she destroyed and how much of a toll it’s been taking, on both Kara and Supergirl. And in that moment, she found herself gripping the Kryptonian tighter, willing Kara to believe that it wasn’t just Supergirl she was hugging.

* * *

III – The time Kara kissed her

Cat sighed as she was going through documents. She had sent Kara home hours ago and apart from the cleaning crew, she was the last one left on the floor. She looked out her office window for a moment, noticing the rain from earlier had picked up. She was sure it was going to turn into a storm, that damn weather channel knew nothing. She chewed on the pen she had been absentmindedly playing with for a moment. She had sent her driver to pick up Carter and then sent Stan home for the night. She’d have to call a cab soon if she wanted to make it home within the hour.

A knock on her balcony window made her jump. The corners of her mouth raised slightly as she got up from the couch and made her way to the balcony doors.

While it wasn’t uncommon for the caped hero to drop by uninvited, it was never this late. Her and Cat had spent many evenings on the balcony, for both business and leisure. It had started that evening after the red Kryptonite incident. Cat would come out on the balcony and find her Kryptonian not so subtly flying around the area. She would invite the other woman for a drink, and they would share stories about their week and laugh.

_“You know, you don’t have to keep flying around waiting for an invitation.” She called into the wind one evening. “You could just knock on the glass.”_

_The Kryptonian landed on the balcony as she spoke, a note of hesitation in her voice. “I-I would never want to impose.”_

_Cat only rolled her eyes as she poured herself and her guest some scotch. “That’s why you knock. Besides, seeing you is never unwelcome.”_

_The hero didn’t say anything for a moment and Cat found herself blushing as she handed a tumbler to the other woman. “Here… you can drink right? There’s no rule about drinking and flying?”_

_The melodic laugh that came from the blonde made her heart flutter. “Thanks, and no there’s no rule that I know of. Besides, alcohol doesn’t do anything to me. Trust me, I’ve tried numerous times.”_

_“Oh, I’m intrigued.” She took a sip of the amber liquid. “Supergirl have some kind of wild past.”_

_“Wild no,” she almost snorted. “but it was full of interesting shall we say...experiments.”_

These kinds of conversations had been happening for the better part of a year. And while they never discussed it, she knew who was behind that “S". But being Supergirl and not Kara had almost made it easier for them to develop this relationship. Because if Cat had been discussing their favorite music and ballets and dreams for the future while ordering takeout with Kara and not Supergirl, it well... Cat might end up letting her mind wander and think that these were dates, but this was Supergirl. She wasn’t attainable, she wasn’t someone Cat could hold hands in public or soak in a tub with after a long day. Because if she kept doing this – laughing and genuinely enjoying herself – she might let herself imagine a future, a real life with the other woman. Oh, who was she kidding, she had been imagining it all anyways. And that is why she needed to leave. Because this, what was happening between her and Kara, couldn’t happen.

One of the other reasons was the glaringly obvious fact that Kara didn’t feel the same way about her. It was absolutely stupid and incredibly naïve of her to even entertain the possibility that the other woman shared her desires. While Supergirl thought of Cat as a friend, and mentor, Kara thought of _him_ as someone she desired. Cat was too busy wistfully thinking that she – a damn good observer – missed it. The sad eyes as Kara watched him with another woman, the way she followed him around like a lovesick puppy, the way she jumped when he called for her. It made Cat physically sick, and she wouldn’t stand for it. And she certainly wouldn’t stand for it when in some time, she knew he would realize his mistake. Because now that she was really observing, she noticed that they weren’t really speaking anymore. They were continuing to be professional, but something had happened. And while it made Cat sad to see Kara upset, the selfish part of her relished the idea of maybe there was hope. But just as quickly as the thoughts came, Cat pushed them away. She knew what was inevitably going to happen and she refused to watch them fall in love while she was left there feeling like an absolute sucker. And she wouldn’t – couldn’t – fire them. They were both so damn good at their jobs and deserved to be happy, but she’d be damned if she stood by and let her heart crack every time she saw them together. So, she was doing the next best thing, leaving this whole shitshow behind.

“Supergirl, this is a surprise.” When the Kryptonian gave her a sad smile in response, she couldn’t help but worry. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I just… you’re leaving?” Her caped hero asked, her voice steady but eyes searching, for what she wasn’t sure.

“Who told you?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

Her response was what she had expected. “A little bird.”

“Mhm,” she raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

Cat was many things, intuitive, patient, not easily rattled but every time the Kryptonian was around, she always felt a little off kilter. And Cat hated it, hated how one person could throw her this much off balance. That damn crush she had for the other blonde had grown into something much deeper than that and she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please sit,” She motioned to the couch as she walked over to the mini bar.

The younger blonde shook her head slightly but sat down anyways. her cape draped over the back of the seat. “What’s going on Cat? Why now?”

Cat sighed as she sat down away from Kara, trying her best to put some distance between them. “It's time. I’ve accomplished so much. I am a big fish in a small pond, and I feel like I’m just swimming in circles.”

The hero didn’t look convinced. “The real answer, not the reserved one or that one you’re going to tell the press. I’m not just a random reporter, Cat. I’m your friend.”

She felt her eyes squeeze shut, willing her voice to not waiver. “I know Kara, and that’s why I’m telling you the truth.”

“Cat I-" The worry in the Kryptonian's voice was clear. “I'm not- we.”

She gave a self-deprecating laugh. “You see you call us friends, but you never trusted me enough to know that I would never share your secret.”

“It’s not about trust Cat.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “Anyone who knows who I am, who I really am is in danger. I didn’t-don’t want to put you in harm’s way.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you told James the same thing.” She blurted sarcastically, unable to stop herself.

She inwardly cursed, maybe that third glass of Scotch wasn’t such a good idea.

“I did… amongst other things.” The crestfallen expression Kara wore made Cat curse even more. “We’re no longer friends, and I couldn’t let that happen to us. Our relat-friendship is too important to me.”

“Kara I-I can’t stay.” The Kryptonian's words were letting hope seep into her mind, into her voice and she hated it.

“Why not?” She asked quietly, and if she were anyone else, Cat would’ve scoffed at the other blonde’s obliviousness.

Well screw it, she was already leaving what more did she have to lose. “Because I can’t be just your friend Kara. I can’t sit back and congratulate you when you tell me you’re in love and I can’t stomach the thought of watching someone else make you happy. And I do... want you to be happy, you deserve that. So, I’m taking myself out of the equation.”

“You deserve someone to give you happiness too.” The Kryptonian whispered, as Cat desperately avoided the other women’s gaze.

The tenderness in Kara's voice was too much and it took every bit of strength to keep her voice from shaking. “You need to go.”

“Cat,” the woman had moved closer on the couch and placed soft hand on her knee. “I-I think-"

“No,” She shot up, how dare Kara's hand leave her buzzing with electricity. “I do not need your pity or sympathy or desire to try and move past this. I need you to leave.”

Not waiting for an answer, Cat made her way off the couch and back to the mini bar. Oh, she was going to get so drunk tonight.

She took a three-finger shot and felt the liquid burn her throat. What a fucking mess this was. She made the right decision; she could leave now with her heart shattered but at least there wouldn’t be any lingering ideas about whether her feelings were reciprocated. She heard the balcony door slam shut and took another shot before collapsing on the couch with a sigh and her head in her hands.

The door opened again, and Cat's head shot up. The Kryptonian's face had morphed into determination as those eyes stared her down. 

“No, you do not get to dictate how this goes or assume what I feel. That was a lot to process which you did not give me time to do by the way." She nearly bellowed, marching herself forward. “No, you know what I am… I am done being afraid. I’ve spent way too much time wondering about everything in my life. Constantly weighing the outcomes of this situation and that situation and all the repercussions. I’m done doing that.”

Cat’s brows furrowed, “What are you talking abo-"

She didn’t get to finish her sentence because Kara had closed the distance between then at inhuman speed and her lips were being covered. Nothing could have prepared her for the sensation of that. She tasted like strawberries and sunshine. If those feelings could be bottled and sold, Cat would always be first in line. The softness in her moments, the fullness of her bottom lip. The way Kara's nails ran across her back with just the right amount of pressure. When Kara pulled away, Cat felt a pull at her stomach, like she had just lost something important.

“I'm sorry that I couldn’t-before. I…I want you to stay Cat.” Kara's voice carried so many emotions as she spoke. “I need you in my life and fear of the unknown is not going to dictate what I let happen, not this time. So please, stay.”

Cat couldn't string words together, at least not words that could properly formulate just how much the Kryptonian meant to her. So, for once she let her actions speak for her and pulled Kara into another kiss. Her doubts dying when those already familiar lips quickly reacted to her own.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos and reviews are always appreciated! :)


End file.
